Bad at Being a Laggard

Whenever I read Harry Potter, I never seem to notice how many pages I’ve turned unless I feel the smooth coated paperback against my fingers. But if I read novels other than Rowling, I seem to be counting words rather than reading. The next chapter would always come as a relief, it only means that I’m about to finish the story. And I just told myself, a lot has changed.

Humans have this innate behavior of being apathetic lest change is immediate and strikes at once. If the dynamics have a sudden crucial and threatening repercussion, that’s when people have haste with their actions.

Everything has been gradual for me. That I just let things pass me by—day in, day out. Nostalgia occupied my head earlier, it felt like yesterday that the Advocate was having an election for Editorial Board positions and just earlier, I was taking an exam for Executive Board positions. There were a lot of changes within a matter of two years. The most drastic however, are the people whom I’ve met and worked with.

Two days ago, one of my friends surprised me. I gasped when she broke the news and immediately, I know what she had gone through and will be going through. I’ve seen it before, I saw it again and I will see it once more—enough to last a lifetime.

Yesterday, we went to the printing press for the paper’s proofing. After spending roughly five hours I got home just before midnight. Declaring this day as a day-off, it made me realize that I don’t know how to spend the day without thinking about the paper or doing something involving the FEU Advocate. In proof, I just sent out a message about our schedule for next week. That’s when it hit me. Not just with the Advocate, not just with my academics, but more than that. The feeling is vague and rather indescribable. 

I don’t even know how to end this post—but I surely am out of words. Notice how unmapped and rather scattered my thoughts are? That’s what I become when I don’t have anything to do—I’m a very bad laggard. Not that it’s good to be one..