A Sigh of Relief

I need to get a hold of my life before it truly gets out of hand. My itinerary seem have gone far ahead of me. I’m trying to cope with almost everything now. I just realized it when one of our new writers asked a question to an editor who relayed her query to me.

Writer: Kung makakapag-extend pa ‘ho kayo gagawin niyo?
Editor: Ay! Tanong mo kay edge.. Edge! Kung makakapag-extend pa daw ba tayo mag-eextend ka?
Edge: Ay ewan ko sa inyo! Basta ako ayoko na! Tatapusin ko lang ‘to!
(both of them laughed)

Truth is, I couldn’t imagine myself without the Advocate. I can’t seem to grasp a concept of me not being in school and not being in the office. One thought that has haunted me since the end of the first semester is the thought of graduating and leaving the organization. I’m dreading the day that my term will expire and I graduate from FEU.

I’ve been warned of the feeling beforehand.

Ate Aubs: ay nako edge, after graduation mas maguguluhan ka pa on what direction your life should take

As for now, I sigh and just do what I can. I haven’t lost the zeal or interest in the org. It did falter when I almost submitted a resignation letter just last month.

I had a weak moment. I went through silent hell – an internal conflict. Let’s just say that I didn’t feel that other members of the org shared the same goal. My resignation letter; still saved in my desktop, addresses my failure as a leader – failure to motivate.

Of course, as most people who knew me too well, I did not submit the letter. I have to make the most out the remaining semester. Yet, I haven’t deleted the file. I don’t know. At the least I came to a point of “don’t think, just do,” which actually works for me.

***

Whenever I’m on my way home from school, usually around 9 pm after having dinner with other Advocate members, I play back the events of the day. I am now trying to express a feeling in a coded manner but I seem to be squabbling against the keyboard. Let’s just say that you cannot completely close an open door if someone keeps on opening it. But in any case, I was able to arrive at a resolution. Currently, that’s something that I’m holding on to right now.